Addict

After Matt's sermon last week I realized that Narcissism is indeed something that plagues us all. His words sparked my memory of an old journal entry that I thought I would share.
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i am an addict,
an addict of self.

i nurse my flesh and walk in comfort.
i am an addict of self.

i am intimately acquainted with all that i think i need
and make every attempt to see those met.

i am an addict,
an addict of self.

i feed my desires the choicest of luxuries, comforts, and delicacies;
anything that will curb my satisfaction pangs.
i am an addict of self.

eat, drink, and be merry is what my flesh screams out,
and there is no fight or even resistance from within.
i am an addict of self.

deserver of comfort, earner of rights,
happiness found within my own hand.
i am addicted to self.

i will steal, lie, conquer, twist, ignore,
project, hold back, exalt, humor, massage, insult
all to protect and glorify myself.
i am an addict of self.

i beg you to tear down this monstrous idol.
demolish it and carry me away from the rubble.
consume me, break me, open my eyes, protect
me from reconstructing another idol in my own image.

i am an addict,
an addict of self.

Jesus, you wooed and awakened me with a touch of your grace.
my soul was stirred and reactive.
you imparted love and mercy,
you know my filth and stench,
but still you chose to sacrifice, wash, clothe me in white.

i am an addict,
an addict of self saved by the blood of Jesus.