Sunday, January 13, 2008

The Room

She closes the door behind her forcefully in hopes that the shadows of the day will disappear and the sounds of the world will remain trapped on the outside. She instantly feels comfortable, but somehow knows instictively this is not her home. However, the solitude of the environment seduce her to stay. She breathes in the air and then releases slowly. The process repeats until life's monotonous repetition fades into a memory and she can once again feel her own skin. She cautiously opens her eyes and realizes this is not a dream, she is finally alone with herself. Her eyes wander around the room to drink in the surroundings; the room is ornately beautiful, plush, and comfortable. A small voice whispers, "leave", and for a long moment she glances at the door contemplating exiting the utopia she stumbled upon, but a charming voice woos her to stay and assures her safety. She again forces herself to relax until and longs to be numbed from the pressures from the world.

The girl walks to the center of the room and twirls as if she were a small child in a dance recital. She does this again and again until she collapses and she is laughing uncontrollably. When the room stops spinning, she notices a small wine refrigerator in the corner of the room. She walks over to pour herself an expensive glass of chardonnay. She drinks the wine quickly and immediately feels it's effects. Her eyes close, and the small voice returns saying, "leave", but again ignores the voice and pours a second glass of wine. She settles into the plush couch with a magazine, and for the first time in years is pleased with herself and feels lucky to have found such an exquisite place of escape. As she buries herself further into the couch she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror across the room. She stares at herself for a long time until a subtle smirk creeps across her face. She returns to the magazine, but finds that she drawn to her own reflection. Her eyes return to the mirror and she finds the image staring back completely captivating. She walks towards the mirror inching closer and closer to the girl staring back at her. She stares...hours pass. The girl likes what she sees as she studies her own reflection inch by inch. Her mind is entirely consumed and she loves it. She turns back toward the couch to find a mirror in it's place. She tries to look past her reflection, but cannot see anything beyond herself. Feeling a buzz of confusion, she looks to the right and again is met with her own reflection peering back at her. Very slowly she turns her head to the left and finds her eyes gazing once again on herself. The girl panics and runs to the door that she entered the room through. The door is mirrored and she fights against herself to get the door open. Tears sting the corners of her eyes and slowly fall down her cheek. Sobs exit her throat and she collapses on the floor. She's been here before and never intended to return. The door unlocks and opens. Jesus picks her up and carries her away from her reflection.

A few months as I was overwhelmed with myself and repenting for the amount of times I thought of myself before everyone else, while I was praying God gave me a picture of me in a room filled with mirrors. He communicated to me that often I enter this room and am selfishly consumed with my own reflection. Obviously this is not just my physical reflection, but symbolic for how much I considered my own needs and preferences before other people, the gospel, and God. I hated the picture of this because it was lonely, selfish, and prideful. I literally could not see beyond myself and it was frightening. Praise Jesus, he doesn't leave us alone with ourselves or our own reflection. He will enter that room and carry us away. He is graceful and merciful. For me, I prayed he would shatter the mirrors so that I could see beyond myself and gain an eternal perspective. At times my flesh longs to escape into a serene environment like I described in the story above. There have been moments that selfishness wins and I am again in that room surrounded with my own reflection. However, I am never satisfied when all I can see is myself, so I find myself again begging God to shatter the mirrors. God is faithful to come quickly to my rescue and forgive. Instead of being captivated by my flesh and the image I see in the mirror, my prayer is that I worship the Living God that created me for His glory. I want to be found at Jesus' feet peering up at His face.