Chynna and Helen

In fourth grade I asked my mom to cut off my hair so that I would look like Chynna Phillips from the band Wilson Phillips. The mushroom-cut blonde hair coupled with my intense overbite and tendency repel anything remotely girly did not leave me looking as pretty as Chynna did as she cried out with the Wilson sisters "I know that there is pain, but you hold on for one more day...". Instead the haircut caused people to occasionally mistake me for a boy, which would leave me in tears and my sister in stitches. That same year, I chose to research Helen Keller for a biography project. As presentation day grew near, I thought it would be an excellent idea to not only tell the class about her, but also dress and act like her for that entire school day. Though it got me an A on the project, it did not equal popularity among peers. On career day I thought long and hard about what path I would choose before eventually settling on becoming an author. Immediately I began writing elaborate plays for my friends to act out, penning short stories, and devouring novels beyond my maturity level. Throughout school my teachers encouraged me to pursue this talent, often using my writings as examples in class and urging me to submit my stories to local publications. Though the passion for Chynna and Helen faded, the love for writing remained.

Fifteen years later, I am not an author and my writing is limited to personal journal entries and emails. I think the passion for writing was stuffed down as I learned to play it safe and began competing regularly in the comparison game. In comparing my talent with others, I no longer felt like it was strong enough to really develop to the point of selling novels. Reality taught me to stick with life choices that are stable and not quite as vulnerable. I don't know, or honestly really care if I could have been successful in some writing realted field, but I do hate that a God given passion sizzled away due to a fear of not being good enough. So, while others are updating the world on the events of their life through blogging, I will be using it to reignite my lost passion.