Identity Crisis

I still don't have pictures of the wedding to share yet, but posting that one blog earlier this week got my juices flowing and I have been eager to share several different things. So check back in a few days for another post. Kent also has some stuff he wants to write about, so for those of you that know him you know you can anticipate being enlightened through his words.

At our rehearsal dinner we opened the floor for anyone that wanted to share stories or toasts. Many people shared very encouraging things, and I know that both Kent and I left praising the Lord for friends and family and the story that we find ourselves wrapped up in. After the rehearsal dinner was over and my parents and I decided to join some of our extended family for a drink at the hotel bar. It was there that my mom began to question some of the stories shared at the rehearsal dinner. She said that many people spoke of me having wonderful qualities that surrounded a "type-a" person: being efficient, planned, organized, etc, etc., but she wondered where were the stories of the Kristen she knew. The little girl that loved to spend hours upon hours reading, writing, and creating things, the girl who loved to cook, and the girl who once was the complete antithesis of type-a...hiding things under her bed, waiting until the last minute to complete anything, hanging any memorabilia on her bedroom wall regardless of how tacky it was...and on and on. My mom said that she regretted not sharing at the rehearsal dinner where this now "strong, type-a woman" had once been as a child.

That night I just laughed my mom's perspective off without giving it much thought, but somewhere during the time on our honeymoon I realized that she was right in someways. I think that during middle school and high school people in my life starting recognizing leadership qualities in me, so I was trusted with responsibility. I was placed as class president, youth group leadership team, etc, etc. This continued in college with me immediately stepping into major leadership roles in my sorority. It was during my time as ZTA president that I learned the skill of efficiency and how to get many things accomplished in a short period of time. I was praised frequently for my ability to manage a good GPA, running an organization with 150 women, spending time with my out of town boyfriend, and still maintaining a good social life. I liked how that praise felt, and so I learned to refine those skills of efficiency, organization, and leadership until I found my identity in my leadership. I graduated from college a little over 5 years ago, and somewhere in there a lot of the skills that I prided myself on had turned in to anxiety, rigidity and control. With the increase in these refined characteristics was also the decrease of some of my first loves like reading and creating.

For the first time since middle school I am currently not in any leadership roles. Kent and I agreed that our primary ministry focus for our first year of marriage would be and should be our marriage. Marriage has not only brought on the death of the unhealthy, independent spirit that I once possessed, but also the death of where I once found my identity. Praise God that when He kills a sinful, unhealthy portion of our flesh He also fills us with His Holy Spirit and births new life.

My identity is not found in leading this or that, not in being a wife, not in my personality or preferences, but in Christ alone. He is teaching me in order to be fully the person He purposed for me to be, I have to be rooted and found in Him. So, my mom was right, the Lord did give me a love for creative things. I love to read, write, and have long deep conversations. At the same time, God also created me as having a mind that enjoys leading, planning, and a good organizational system! In Christ, I am allowed to be all of these things for His glory and His purposes. Any of these things become sin the second they take precedence over the gospel of Christ.

For those of you that are still reading, I wanted to share some of the books that I have had time to read this summer. Warning..the spacing of all of these is weird, so sorry for that!

The first is Sacred Marriage. One of my student's moms gave me this book for a wedding present. The subtitle of the book is "What if God designed marriage for our holiness instead of our happiness. It is rich book filled with wonderful reminders and insight on the relationship of a husband and wife.

I have not completed this book yet, but if nothing else all women should read the chapter on the lies that women believe about their body. The author does a great job at identifying the lies and then leading you through truth to repent and combat those lies.

Okay, these next 3 are apart of a series (the 4th comes out today!!!). Many of you will laugh that I have read these thick books that are intended for teenage women.

Yes, the plot is about werewolves and vampires, but I am allowed to appreciate a good story...and these are great stories. There are parties tonight for the release of the 4th book, but instead I just chose to quietly pre-order mine online.

Sacred Sex...I am a huge advocate of this book, because it completely defined what sex between husband and wife is about. We all know that we are bombarded with what sex is according to Hollywood, magazines, etc...but this book defines what God intended it be.

The Road was awesome! The author is an amazing writer and is able to paint an amazing picture and story with his words.


Excellent story that evoked a lot of emotion. The theology is very questionable, but the some of the imagery is good and author wrote a good story. Read more about the thoughts regarding theology here.



This next one is one of my husband's favorite books. I finished it this morning, and thought it was excellent, but really deep. I think for me to fully grasp the story and the symbolism I am going to have to read it again.



I am currently reading Tim Keller's Reason for God. I think this book will be excellent resource when faced with the "hard" questions about why Christ. I know I have friends out there that are cursing me for having months off at a time, especially those who also know that I have had lots of time to watch movies I have never seen like Lord of the Rings (can I say, amazing!) and cook. More on those topics later.